Practice for Our Prince

To say Morgan Farr is strong is an understatement, but add two words to that, and it just about sums up this young mom's character. She is "strong in Christ." In this Parenting UPGRADE, she applies the word "practice" to parenting, and explains how we are to "practice" to the glory of God in our families."With children," Morgan says, "being present is more important than being perfect."

As a former homeschooling mom, I (Dawn) saw that truth in action almost daily. I am grateful I had the opportunity to spend those early days of childhood development alongside my children. I can attest that what Morgan says is true.

Morgan continues . . .

I had a basketball coach tell me once, "Practice makes perfect." At the time, I believed him.

But now as an adult, I realize that the truth is what was said by football coach Vince Lombardi:

"Practice does not make perfect. Only perfect practice makes perfect”.

Parenting is a lot like coaching. We are given these people, and we are responsible for helping them learn and practice the fundamentals that will make them great in their lane.

All coaches deal with struggles and setbacks with their athletes. The way that a good coach battles this is by being present with their athlete—teaching, instructing, modeling, and retraining when they get off their groove.

Parenting is no different.

The most common complaints that I hear among fellow parents is as they deal with screen time, outside play, and teaching children to be selfless.

This raises the question:

As parents, what are we helping our kids to practice?

As I share with you how my family "Practices for our Prince," I want to remind you that I am not a psychologist, pediatrician, or counselor. I am a theologically-minded mother focused on raising my children to live for Christ.

Help Your Children "Practice for Our Prince."

1. Practice with Your Tools.

The first tool anyone ever owns is their own body.

Learning to eat, walk, talk, and control yourself is an early part of doing God’s work, even if it doesn’t seem like it! Teaching children to be masters of their body is so important. They have to be taught to eat well, rest, exercise, play, sleep, and care for their bodies well.

As a young child, the focus should be purely on play, as God created them to be that way for their own development.

However, as a child ages and the call God has placed on them becomes clear, learning to discipline their body so that they can perform optimally is crucial.

For example:

• If your child wants to be a missionary in a remote village where they'll have to haul water from a well, they will have to be able to haul water!
• If your child feels God is calling them to be a first grade teacher, they'd better have the mobility to get up and down off the ground over and over again in a given day!

Helping a child to be fit and active is easier if they understand the why, and it helps if they see YOU doing it too.

In our family, we eat well, walk, jump, run, skip, hop, dance, and even lift weights, so that we can be used exactly as God wants to use us!

2. Practice Being a Good Steward.

The next topic is by far the most commonly discussed. Kids go to school, do homework, and maybe they play a sport. The rest of the time, they are on their phone or computer, or playing video games.

The dreaded "screen time debate" is fairly simple in my mind.

If you are the parent, and you have decided what the screen time limit is, when the time is up, you simply turn off the screen!

There are a LOT of apps and devices that can help you manage screen time well. (Contact me if you need some recommendations.)

The best way I have found to talk to my kids about screen time is to draw a PIE CHART of their day.

• Fill in how much time they spend, and show that time is a gift from God.
• Teach them that we want to be a good steward of the time God has given us.
• This means no more than—fill in your designated amount of screen time here—per day.

And parents, hold to this as well. Keep YOUR screen time in check so that you are helping your child practice appropriate boundaries and maintain focus.  

Here's a Hint:

Practice Being "HANDS and FEET."

In order to encourge children to limit screen time, help them cultivate their bodies, and be present in the world.

Mark 12:31 tells us to “love our neighbor”—so get out and do it! Be the hands and feet of Christ.

• Volunteer with the church nursery.
• Go paint your elderly neighbors fence.
• Arrange to help the expecting mother on your street every week when she brings in her groceries.
• Is your church hosting a VBS? Volunteer to set up and break down.

Open your eyes—and your children's eyes—to the needs around your neighborhood, church, and local community. Lead your children by example.

Show your children what it means to work hard as the hands and feet of Christ.

3. Practice What You Preach.

This is perhaps where we can have the greatest impact of all, by praying for our children without ceasing.

• Tell them you are covering them in prayer,
• Pray for them out loud and by name, and
  
• Pray for them silently as you work.

Keep a prayer journal so you can look back and see all the ways God answered prayers with both "yes" and "no" answers. Teach your children that God’s answer of “no” is just as important as His answer of “yes”.

Finally, even with excellent practice, no one can be truly perfect. Only Jesus did that.

While we may train a child in the way he or she should go, children still have free will and sometimes they choose differently than we hoped that they would.

Pray fervently for your children, help them practice as they grow, and release them well to the plan that God has for them.

Which practice will you take up this week?

Morgan Farr is a Texas-loving, succulent-cultivating, book nerd and aspiring author. Stationed in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, this Army wife is learning to train dogs, developing her four young children, and tackling homeschool life… while moving all over the country. Morgan believes in integrity, authenticity, and grit. Although she writes for many different publications, you can almost always find Morgan’s most recent ramblings on her blog.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Filip Urban at Unsplash.

Don't Confuse Being Responsible with Being Faithful

Debbie W. Wilson is both biblically sound and creatively practical. In this Christian Living UPGRADE, she shares the biblical way to deal with a misunderstanding about responsibility."Do you carry an over-developed sense of responsibility?" Debbie asks.

"When I feel overwhelmed or weary, I usually discover I’m feeling responsible for something beyond my control."

Oh, ouch! I (Dawn) know exactly what Debbie means. Why is it such a hard lesson to learn?     

Debbie continues . . .

My desire to do a good job can subtly turn into pressure to make someone happy.

The desire to do good work is admirable. However, the goal to make another person happy is beyond my control.

The Difference Between a Goal and a Desire

In order to help us understand where our responsibilities end and other people’s begin, some thought leaders have delineated between a goal and a desire.

A GOAL is something you want, and you control the means to reach it.

A DESIRE is something you want, but you don’t have control of all the variables to reach it. You need the cooperation of other people or circumstances to achieve it.

For example, let’s say you plan a special picnic for your family.

• You get up early to shred cheese for their favorite pimento cheese sandwiches. 
• You hum as you spread your concoction onto slices of homemade bread.
• The picture of your family enjoying the fruit of your labor brings a smile as you pack a lovely quilt and colorful paper goods.

An hour before you leave, your son’s friend calls to invite him to the pool. He’s spent time with his friend, but not with the family.

You tell him he can go next time. Today is family time. Disappointment oozes out of his pores.

His body comes to the picnic, but not his heart.

You take a deep breath and hand out lunch on fanciful paper plates.

Your daughter whines, “I don’t like this kind of bread.”

You sigh. At least you have homemade chocolate chip cookies.

But when your son grabs the bag of cookies, the ones you stayed up to midnight baking, he shrieks, “They’re alive!”

To your dismay, the seal on the bag is not tight and ants found your cookies.

Now you’re ready to cry!

Did you fail? Was your effort a complete waste? That depends.

• If your goal was to make them happy, then yeah, you failed. They aren’t happy.
• But if your goal was to love your family, then, well done! You are a success.

Learn from Jesus

“Jesus said, ‘Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls’” (Matt. 11:28-29 NLT).

Be gentle with yourself. Jesus is gentle with us. If we learn from Him, we’ll be kind with ourselves too.

Jesus doesn’t hold us responsible for things that lay outside our control.

So, neither should we.

Any goal that requires someone else’s cooperation can be blocked by those people. God doesn’t hold us responsible for what we can’t control. He asks us to be faithful to Him.

God doesn’t measure success by how things appear, but by how we live.

Faith pleases Him (Hebrews 11:6). When we love God and others through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can leave the results to God and know He is pleased with us.

And who knows, our faithfulness to trust God in the presence of disappointment may be our greatest witness to a watching family and world.

Are you feeling responsible for something beyond your control? What would it look like for you to exchange being responsible with being faithful?

Debbie W. Wilson—drawing from her walk with Christ and decades as a Christian counselor and Bible teacher—mixes insight and encouragement to inspire readers to trust Christ with their lives. Her books include Little Faith, Big God, Give Yourself a Break, and Little Women, Big God. She and her husband Larry founded and run Lighthouse Ministries, a nonprofit biblical counseling, coaching, and Bible study ministry. Her two standard poodles spice up her life with affection and fun. Find free resources to refresh your faith at debbieWwilson.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Charles MacArthur at Pixabay.

The Shelf Life: How Long 'til I Expire?

Kolleen Lucariello always surprises me with her fresh approach to pracitcal Christian living. In this Spiritual Life UPGRADE, she points us to three biblical examples to help us meditate on the length of our lives and how we might upgrade what is left of them."When life came to a standstill in March of 2020, I decided there was no better time to rip apart a closet," Kolleen says. "That's when it hit me—expiraton dates are sneaky."

Normally, I (Dawn) think of an "expiration date" as painful—or at the least, unpleasant; but there is a certain wisdom to thinking about it when it comes to life, as Kolleen explains.

Kolleen continues . . .

I’d always wanted a pantry, and the closet in the mudroom had become a catchall for any and every item. It was packed full of food, serving platters, and anything out-of-season; or anything without a proper home.

 Based upon the expiration date stamped upon the bottom of many spices, jello packages, and canned fruit, once an item entered through the bi-fold door, chances were good they might never find their way out again. They had become SHELF-SITTERS, just waiting to be used. 

Waiting on a shelf.

I can relate.

I recall seasons in my life when I found myself sitting upon the shelf of God’s time—waiting for Him to reveal the expiration date indicating my time was done. 

Waiting is difficult.

• I grow restless.
• I question God.
• I repent.
• Sometimes, I even beg.

Waiting is not my favorite thing to do. Is it yours? Probably not.

Yet, it is often a non-negotiable participant somewhere in our story, isn’t it?

Why does God allow us time on the shelf?

Of course, God alone knows His reasons for all that He does; but I think shelf life leads to upgrades.

Here’s how.

1. TRUST

Sometimes, God finds it necessary to place us on the shelf when our disobedience gets in the way of His plan.

Jonah became a shelf-sitter in the belly of a whale when he decided to run from what God asked him to do—go and share His plan of judgment with the people of Nineveh.

Sure, Jonah’s disobedience to God gave him peace—for a moment; but, it had a great impact on the sailors whose boat Jonah boarded. They feared for their lives, lost wages, and finally were put in the miserable position of needing to toss him overboard with the rest of what they’d already lost.

(Have you ever wondered why Jonah didn’t just jump when he realized He was indeed the reason for the storm?)

It’s just awful when a disobedient Jonah enters our boat. I costs us peace, finances, and may even lead to extremely difficult decisions.

No matter how hard you row, God may move people to the shelf when they can’t be trusted to follow His instruction, or don’t have the courage to remove "Jonah" from the boat.

2. TIMING

Shelf-sitting befalls us when we find ourselves waiting upon God’s timing.

While we may be more than ready for our dream or plan to come to fruition, God has His own agenda and time-table in mind.

It’s always been far different than mine. 

Hannah was a woman who endured the pain and frustration of waiting on God’s time.

She lived through a long, out-of-reach wait, while suffering intense longing over her barrenness. Barrenness is a heartache that, unless you have walked through it, is difficult to understand.

Hannah’s husband, Elkanah couldn’t; he thought she should be happy she had HIM!

“‘Why are you crying, Hannah?’ Elkanah would ask. ‘Why aren’t you eating? Why be downhearted just because you have no children? You have me—isn’t that better than having ten sons?’” (1 Samuel 1:8 NLT).

Ummm… no. Just no.

It’s difficult enough to remain patient and trust God hasn’t forgotten us sitting on the shelf, but when those closest to us question our emotional moments—

• “Why are you…?"
• "Just because you don’t have …. Be grateful for what you do have.”

Ouch!

There’s a time to just sit beside someone as they wait and wrestle it out with God.

3. TESTING

Remember the Israelites and their time in the wilderness? Scripture says the Lord led them through the wilderness for forty years to humble and test them—in order to prove their character and to find out whether or not they would obey his commands (Deuteronomy 8:2).

They grumbled. They complained.

I doubt they were thinking about character development as they set up camp year after year.

During my own wilderness wanderings—those dry seasons when God feels distant—I’ve grumbled. I’ve complained. I’ve hoped God would lift me up and notice the expiration date was soon approaching.

How often I fail to recognize God might have a bit of character development in store for me.

Paul reminds us,

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment” (Romans 5:3-4, NLT).

Our time on the shelf of waiting might not be so exasperating to us if we remember, God is rarely early, never late, and always shows up right on time. He’s going to add us to the mix at just the right time.

As we wait, we might ask:

• Can I be trusted?
• Can I trust His timing? 
• What can I learn during the test? 

Have you thought much lately about your "expiration date"? What life upgrades can you make to create a better Shelf Life?

Kolleen Lucariello is a writer, speaker, and the author of the book, #beYOU: Change Your Identity One Letter at a Time. Kolleen also co-directs Activ8Her, Inc., a woman’s ministry endeavoring to Activ8Her potential to influence, affect and unite the world for God’s glory. Kolleen advocates for others to live the abundant life Christ died for them to have by understanding their true identity is found in Christ. Kolleen lives in Central New York with her husband, Pat. She is mom to three married children, and Mimi to her six grandchildren. Learn more about Kolleen at her website.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Samantha Gades at Unsplash.

Upgrade Your F.I.R.E.

Morgan Farr models her faith in her home, teaching her children the relevance of life in Christ to every part of their lives. In this Parenting UPGRADE, she shares her plan for lighting a fire in their hearts for God.

"Have you ever watched a fire? It seems to have a life all it's own," Morgan says.

Like Morgan, I (Dawn) homeschooled my children for many years. Those were challenging years, but also rewarding. Beyond educating my boys, my main goal was to teach them Christian character. I appreciate Morgan's fresh approach on parenting and education as she says, "Upgrade your F.I.R.E."

Morgan continues . . .

A fire dances, frolics, and bends—depending on how the air around it is moving. Fire can be an incredible force for good or a horrific impetus for evil—depending on who sets the fire and why. 

William Butler Yeats is credited with saying, "Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.”

Allow me to share with you how I use F.I.R.E. to guide my children as individuals. 

First, I AM NOT a parenting expert, psychologist, or pediatrician. I do not hold advanced degrees in education or theology.

WHAT I AM is a follower of Christ listening to the Holy Spirit as I train my children in the way they should go.

I have two boys in first grade, a girl in pre-K, and a girl who is learning to sit up unassisted. When I first started homeschooling—three years ago—I wanted them to be successful and to thrive, so I copied what I knew from school.

I was so focused on “keeping up” that I lost sight of my kids as individuals.

I needed to shift my way of thinking.

After discovering some incredible homeschooling advocates and writers, I was able to grow and learn in my understanding of my children as unique individuals.

I now frame our time using the acronym F.I.R.E.

F — Focus

We all have 24 hours in a day. Are we using that time wisely?

I have found that planning out our week, month, and year help us to be able to make solid choices and free us up.

This means saying no to a lot of good things so that I can say yes to the best things.

I — Ignite

Every fire is started; fires do not just randomly happen. Sometimes they are ignited by lightning, and sometimes by man. But fire has to be brought to life.

Guess who is responsible for lighting a fire in your kids? YOU! 

Obviously a huge part of igniting the fire of faith in your children is reading the Bible. But using other resources like art, literature, and the world around you can also help a lot, especially if you have a visual learner.

In our home we read a LOT of books. We just finished a book on Greek mythology for children. For anyone that doesn’t know, mythology can be really dark. It is all origin stories, cause and effect, and interrelational drama.

Was it a Christian book? Nope.
Did I use it to teach about Christ? You bet!

In every story, we talk about what went right and what went wrong.

• Was the problem caused by misunderstanding or sin?
• If we were in the hero’s position, how could we make a choice that honors God?
• How do you think the villain ended up in the position that he is in?

Teach them to look for God and to follow the Holy Spirit’s lead by talking through problems and situations so that, when the time comes, the fire is already lit and they are ready to shine for Him.

R — Repel

When I say repel, I mean to get rid of anything that distracts from God’s calling.

What music, movies, books, or podcasts are you as a family taking in?

Keep in mind that you are to “train up a child in the way he should go” (Proverbs 22:5); and in order to train someone, you have to know how to train yourself.

• Are you telling your teenagers “no porn”—while watching 'Game of Thrones'?
• Are you teaching about being a good steward of your finances—while racking up your Target credit card?
• Do you struggle to have a time in the Word—but you're up to date on the latest Netflix shows?

Study your individual children and learn where they struggle. Let them see you struggle so they know that struggle is normal and victory through Christ is possible.

E — Embark

The last portion of my education motto is Embark. We are not called to develop all this theological knowledge and then sit in our big houses.

Model your faith. Show your children how to use it.

• I have a friend that is a brilliant cellist. She uses her talent to lead worship for the elderly in a nursing home. 
• My friend Rachel has never met a stranger. She uses her extroverted personality to welcome newcomers to the military lifestyle by being a kind and caring friend.
• My sister-in-law is a missionary that uses her incredible sewing skills to teach new missionaries how to make their own clothing in the local style.

What can you do with your children to teach them to use their skills and talents for God?

Is one of your kids really into baseball? What if he offered to coach younger kids for 30 minutes once a week… for free?

Do you have a child that loves to read? What if that child read scripture to an elderly neighbor once a week?

Be creative, but get out and serve God!

Igniting a F.I.R.E. in your children takes work and intentionality.

Parenting doesn’t happen in convenient chunks. It is an all day, every day marathon.

Romans 12: 11 says, “Never let the fire in your heart go out. Keep it alive. Serve the Lord.”

If you are wanting to encourage your children to be like Christ you must be fanning the fire in your own heart and serving God with everything you have. 

Are you on fire for God? How could you help your children to be on fire for the Lord?

Morgan Farr is a Texas-loving, succulent-cultivating, book nerd and aspiring author. Stationed in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, this Army wife is learning to train dogs, developing her four young children, and tackling homeschool life… while moving all over the country. Morgan believes in integrity, authenticity, and grit. Although she writes for many different publications, you can almost always find Morgan’s most recent ramblings on her blog.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Comfreak at Pixabay.

Photo is of Morgan with her children.

Road Work Ahead — Expect Delays!

Dianne Barker's clever use of everyday symbols and circumstances offer lessons for our Christian journey. In this Christian Living UPGRADE, she writes about the tough time so many of us have with waiting.

"'Road work ahead, expect delays.' That’s what the construction sign said. "In other words, prepare to wait," Dianne said.

Oh, how I (Dawn) hate to wait. I always think it's such a waste of time. But Dianne encourages us to get a fresh perspective on delays.

Dianne continues . . . 

The sign provided appropriate advice for the road of life.

The problem with most of us is that we aren’t prepared to wait. We’re geared for full speed ahead.

Waiting is unplanned and unwanted because it often leads to an unexpected and undesirable detour. Reaching the destination has top priority so waiting is never welcome.

I don’t love waiting, yet waiting consumes a large part of life. I should be getting used to it, but it always catches me by surprise.

I never include interruption and delay in my daily plans.

This very moment may find you in an interruption and waiting phase.

• Waiting for biopsy results.
• Waiting for a prodigal child to return.
• Waiting for a family conflict to be resolved.
• Waiting for a terrible hurt to heal.

Sometimes we wait with sweet anticipation.

• Waiting for the husband of our dreams.
• Waiting for a child to be born.
• Waiting for a promised promotion at work.
• Waiting for a spectacular family vacation.

Other times we wait with paralyzing dread.

Once, in such a place, I heard a soft whisper in my spirit:

“You aren’t waiting on a person or a circumstance. You are waiting on God.”

That truth changed my perspective.

Delay is annoying, and my typical response is grumbling—which never has a favorable impact on my situation.

Knowing God holds my life in His hands and that I’m waiting on Him, I only need to surrender my fretful spirit and confirm my trust in His wisdom.

Perhaps God is also waiting—waiting for us to trust Him fully, confident that delay is always for His greater purpose.

Could it be designed to reveal our devotion?

“…The Lord your God is testing you to find out whether you love him with all your heart and with all your soul. It is the Lord your God you must follow, and him you must revere. Keep his commands and obey him; serve him and hold fast to him” (Deuteronomy 13:3b-4 NIV).

I'm wondering if God’s purpose in our waiting might also be to teach us to rest.

Psalm 37 gives a simple strategy for times of waiting.

“Trust in the Lord… delight yourself in the Lord… commit your way to the Lord… be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.”

What an exciting possibility!

To be still—to rest—and wait patiently, no matter what. If we rest today, we rest in our present circumstances.

How do we get to that place of resting and waiting patiently?

Here are THREE CHOICES to help us use our time productively in the waiting-arena.

1. THANK God, knowing he is using delay to shape us as His instrument.

2. PRAISE God, knowing he is setting the stage to display His power.

3. HONOR God, knowing we can trust His promises.

Our world has spent the last year on pause, waiting for the virus to finish its deadly mission, waiting for restrictions to be lifted, waiting to reunite with distant family members.

Waiting during COVID-19 has spawned discouragement and loneliness.

The challenges of this strange interruption—this unplanned waiting—threatened to drain our joy and hope.

Here’s truth: waiting doesn’t mean inactivity.

Trusting is active. Praying is active.

Begin with this:

"Lord, I surrender this to you. It’s yours. Whatever you do is okay with me. I will praise you because of your righteousness, not my circumstances. Let me hear your voice behind me saying, this is the way, walk in it. My soul waits for you and in your word I will hope."

Use your season of waiting to rehearse promises that slip by unnoticed in the hectic pace of normal life.

• Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know (Jeremiah 33:3).
• Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us (Ephesians 3:20).
• And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).

As you continue the journey, keep this in mind — God is working on the road ahead. Expect delays but proceed with expectation.

Now then, stand and see this great thing the Lord is about to do before your eyes! (1 Samuel 12:16).

Who knows what may happen when we wait and trust?

David, the shepherd king, wrote:

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord (Psalm 27:14).

Will you dare to believe you are not waiting on a person or a circumstance but on God?

Dianne Barker is a speaker, radio host, and author of 11 books, including the best-selling Twice Pardoned and award-winning I Don’t Chase the Garbage Truck Down the Street in My Bathrobe Anymore! Organizing for the Maximum Life. She’s a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, Christian Authors Network, and Word Weavers International and a speaker for Stonecroft Ministries. Visit www.diannebarker.com.

Graphic - East Rock Hill Township (Penn.) road sign.