"Hospice Will Bring the Oxygen Machine Today...."

Yvonne Ortega has experienced many life struggles, and God has taught her many transferable truths that she shares with others. As we head toward Thanksgiving, many are hurting with great losses or are in crisis situations—and it may be difficult to be grateful. But in this Gratitude UPGRADE, Yvonne reminds us there are always ways to express our gratitude to God and cope with trials with His help.“On a 6:00 a.m. Thursday phone call to Aunt Bertha, my head swirled at her update," Yvonne said.

"‘Hospice will bring the oxygen machine today to our senior community suite and show me how to use it for Arthur (my uncle).’”

Like almost everyone, I (Dawn) never want to get a phone call like that. We hate to hear that those we love are not doing well. But even in times like that, there are positive things we can do. Yvonne reminds us that gratitude is a choice!

Yvonne continues . . .

Uncle Arthur has been a second father to me. I needed to travel north to see him.

Aunt Bertha said, “He’s lost 70 pounds and can’t eat or sleep.”

With the Thanksgiving season upon me, how could I be grateful?

1. I Prayed for Favor.

When Nehemiah faced a crisis, he wept, fasted, and prayed.

He said,

Lord, the God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and keep his commandments, let your ear be attentive and your eyes open to hear the prayer your servant is praying before you day and night (Nehemiah 1:5-6).

I needed divine favor with TSA-precheck. I looked at the online form to complete and froze. I didn’t know how to answer half the questions.

My heartbeat heightened, and my stomach fluttered.

How could I fly without TSA-precheck with those dreaded airport security lines? How could I arrive in time to help the family?

As I dialed the TSA-precheck phone number, my fingers trembled; but God used a gracious lady to help me until I printed my payment confirmation.

“Thank you, God.”

2. I Sang to the Lord.

This may sound strange, but the Bible mentions many who sang in crisis.

The psalmist said,

I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me (Psalm 13:6).

Tears glistened on my blouse collar, but I sang.

My hair looked like a shaggy dog in need of a master hair stylist like Susan. Once up north, time wouldn’t permit a haircut.

On Friday morning I called Susan to confirm an appointment, a new person answered the phone.

“This is Yvonne Ortega,” I said. “I’m calling about my appointment at 1:00 pm with Susan."

She paused and said, “Susan dropped dead in the salon two weeks ago. Everyone thought she fainted. When Susan didn’t regain consciousness, they called the Emergency Rescue Squad. They tried everything, but she died instantly of an aneurysm.”

“Lord, God, how much more?”

I fell to my knees and sobbed.

God comforted me and seemed to whisper, “Continue to sing, Yvonne.”

In a state of shock, I walked through the house on Friday, pulled out boots, gloves, and clothes for a trip to a colder climate. With a background of praise and worship music in Spanish, I sang through tears.

No one at the salon was available for three weeks. So, I found another hair stylist and obtained her only appointment all week.

A look in the mirror after a beautiful haircut reminded me of Psalm 89:1.

I will sing of the Lord’s great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations (Psalm 89:1). 

3. I Reached Out with Hope.

I needed to confirm that my uncle knew the Lord and would go to heaven.

Part of my aunt’s conversation came to mind.

"Arthur didn’t talk anymore, wore a stronger pain patch, took morphine, and slept most of the time.”

A friend reminded me that the last sense to go is hearing. I called, told my aunt to hold the phone close to his ear, and I spoke to him.

“Uncle Arthur, this is your niece, Yvonne. If you can hear me and agree with what I say, blink your eyes. If you agree with my prayer at the end, blink your eyes.”

When I finished my prayer, Aunt Bertha said, “I couldn’t hear what you said to Arthur, but he sure blinked his eyes a lot.”

I hadn’t heard sweeter words of confirmation in a long time.

A burning desire to be with my family lingered. However, a storm in Virginia flooded the area around both airports. Early morning fog didn’t help.

I couldn’t get there.

Stranded at home, I had a generator, electricity, running water, and food—but not my loved ones. I called my aunt to check on the family.

“Our son Art noticed that Arthur sat slumped in the lift chair, which constricted his lungs," my aunt said. "Art bought a large pillow at Walmart to see if that would help Arthur breathe better.

"Now he can breathe on his own, talk, and eat. He can walk in the senior community without his walker. It’s a miracle.”

Because of his serious health complications, my uncle can’t leave the facility. However, God has brought him through one more crisis.   

David was dancing before the Lord with all his might, while he and all Israel were bringing up the ark of the Lord with shouts and the sound of trumpets (2 Samuel 6:14–15).

My shouts and dancing before the Lord may have exceeded David’s.

What will you be grateful for this Thanksgiving?  

Yvonne Ortega walks with a small footprint but leaves a giant imprint in people’s lives. She is the author of the Moving from Broken to Beautiful® Series through cancer, forgiveness, and grief. Yvonne speaks with honesty and humor as she helps women who face challenges even when they feel overpowered. She celebrates life at the beach where she walks, builds sand castles, blows bubbles, and dances. Learn more about Yvone on her webpage.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Fernando Zhiminaicela at Pixabay

Just Around the Next Bend

Pam Farrel is a spiritual motivator and cheerleader. She roots her wise counsel in the Word of God. In this Gratitude UPGRADE, she encourages readers to praise and not pout, and she shows us how from a powerful story in her life.

"As COVID lingers on, and the world seems to be experiencing one crisis or conflict after another," Pam says.

"I sometimes pause to reflect on the life lessons God pre-planned into all our lives in earlier days that can help us navigate."

I (Dawn) agree with Pam that God prepares us for tough circumstances throughout our lives. It's wise to choose to learn from those lessons.

Pam continues . . .

In Discovering Joy in Philippians: A Creative Bible Study Experience, I share what to do when discouragement looms like a storm cloud over your life or you just don’t know what to do to get unstuck:

“Go back to the people, the places, and the portions of scripture where you know you have heard the will and ways of God.”

For example, to clear my head, and reconnect my heart to God, I will often head to nature:

• a prayer walk along the ocean’s edge,
• a paddle on the bay,
• or a bike ride to get away from tech and in touch with the Creator.

By rewinding your brain to former days, some memories stick as road signs pointing to a proven path forward.

For example, as youth ministers, we led a bike trip from Northern California, along the ocean to Santa Barbara. The scenery was breath-takingly beautiful, but rigorous—a series of rolling mountains that escalated higher and steeper in elevation.

We leaders knew this might be quite physically challenging to most of the students, so we designed the trips’ shirts to have the week’s motivational motto on the back of tees, so the cyclists could see it boldly in front of them:  

Nothing’s too tough to make me complain!

That phrase capsulized Paul’s command:

Do all things without grumbling or disputing that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world (Philippians 2: 14-15).

GRUMBLING is to mutter, murmur, or hold on to a smoldering discontent.

DISPUTING is back and forth speculations that keep you stuck in your own reasoning when what you really need is God’s more heavenly perspective.

Peddle to Progress

On this arduous bike trip, I was hot, weary, and faint—but NOT complaining aloud! My repeated question to my co-leader spouse was, “How close are we to the finish?”

With optimism, Bill, would reply, “Closer than it was. Perhaps just around the next bend.” 

Then we would sing worship songs as we peddled up the endlessly steep grade. Finally, at the mountain peak, we paused for a majestic moment, with a bird’s eye view of the ocean stretching out, wrapping us in 180-degree beauty. #sweetvictory!

But my lasting inspiration of this trip from grumbling to gratitude was forged by the students.

Before one of the narrower bridges, we loaded the bikers on the bus and their bikes in a trailer a truck was pulling. The trailer came unhooked from the truck and banged into the guard rail sending three bikes and a couple of suitcases over the rail, down into the Pacific Ocean—never to be seen again!

The amazing attitude of these three teens was stellar! They DID NOT COMPLAIN!

Most adults would have caved and whined, but not these three brave hearts! One of the reasons they were able to keep hold of their positive attitude in face of this unexpected loss was all the rest of the youth group swiftly rallied to meet their needs.

None MURMERED—rather, they MOVED into action.

There were just over 50 teens on this “Nothing’s Too Tough to Make ME Complain” tour—and the vast majority are still walking with Jesus faithfully now forty years later—and more than 75% of that group today hold leadership positions in churches, community groups, mission’s organizations, as pastors, counselors, government officials, and non-profit leaders.

We were all transformed by this stalwart commitment to PRAISE instead of POUT.

FORWARD FOCUS

Years later, we began our family and vowed to raise children who could maintain a sense of strength and courage—no matter what life might send their way.

We hung a six-foot wooden sign, carved into it: “Thou shalt not whine.” 

• If the boys were tempted to moan over chores, mere inconveniences, or minor setbacks, we just pointed to the sign.
• When real pressures and traumas entered their lives, we would gather as a family to pray scripture over that son, often under that same sign.
• We would acknowledge feelings, process them with an attitude of faith, and then stand strong on the promises of the Word.

The boys took this “Can do” attitude into their futures. Now, as leaders of their families and communities, these young leaders help others cultivate an attitude of gratitude.

Your Uphill Journey

When you are tempted to grumble, or have lost your hope, joy, or peace, or need clarity, cultivate an attitude of gratitude.

Begin your own Powerful Praise journal. Note verses that have carried you in the past, turn them into memes, verses to study deeper, and Bible art to help you navigate your future—looking at what you CAN do, not what you can't.

I daily remind myself—as I reflect on God’s faithfulness in the past—to meditate on His promises.

God will be the power to keep peddling forward.

Are you peddling hard today? Don't give up! Victory is just ahead! But if you're discouraged, what can you do today to turn grumbling to gratitude or pouting into praise in the struggles of your life?

Pam Farrel is the Co-Director of Love-Wise, author of 50+ books and co-author of the Discovering the Bible Creative Bible Study series. For more ideas, here are 15 Things You Can Do Instead of Complain. Then hop over to Love-Wise.com to download your free 30 Day Infectious Joy Bible devotional.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Patrick Hendry at Unsplash.

"Show Off!"—Lessons in Humility

In this Biblical Thinking UPGRADE, Dawn writes about the subtle but destructive problem of pride.

As a high school freshman attending a school on a Naval base in Keflavik, Iceland, my family had the unique opportunity to live off-base in a quonset hut. We loved it, but it was terribly tight living quarters! We joked that we could touch all the walls at the same time—not exactly true, but funny.

One day, I put one hand on a kitchen counter, and another on a nearby dining chair, and swayed my legs back and forth in an exaggerated swing. I imagined I was an Olympic gymnast on the parallel bars.

"Hey, look at me!" I yelled to my family. "I'm going for the gold!" (I was such a show off at that age, always wanting attention.)

Suddenly, my hand slipped from the counter and I crashed to the hard floor.

My rear end hurt, but the embarrassment was far worse. My normally reserved dad could not stop laughing!

And oh, how my dad loved to share that story with others, sometimes adding, "Pride goes before a fall, right, Dawn?"

The actual scripture he quoted is Proverbs 16:18: "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." But I like the way The Message states it:

"First pride, then the crash—the bigger the ego, the harder the fall."

That pretty much sums up my freshman year in high school. Big ego. I thought I was "all that."

Sinful pride is all about Me, Myself, and I. It crowds out God and others.

Over the years, the Lord used a number of other embarrassing circumstances to teach me humility.

• Once I fell off a big trampoline at the base gym, showing off in front of a bunch of sailors.
• Another time I cracked my head on an icy pond while playing "Crack the Whip" on ice skates. Looking at my "admirers," I didn't notice the big rock in my icy path.

Years later, God saved me from myself and brought me into His family, and I learned that terrible pride was the cause of Satan's big downfall when he was cast from Heaven (symbolically described in Isaiah 14:12-14).

I also read about many biblical characters who were sinfully proud:

• Nebuchadnezzar was a proud pagan king (Daniel 4:28-35).
• Haman was proud in his hatred of Queen Esther and the Jews (Esther 5:11).
• Uzziah was a good king, but he fell with religious pride (2 Chronicles 26:16-19).
• The proud Pharisee was rebuked for his superiority attitude (Luke 18:11-13).
• Jesus exposed the proud Jewish "teachers of the law" (Mark 12:38-40).
• And the Laodicean Church struggled with spiritual pride (Revelation 3:14-17).

Signs You Might Be a Sinfully Proud Person

The Hebrew word for pride is zadown, which means insolence and arrogance. The Greek word is alazoneia, which means empty, bragging, and insolent.

In any language, pride is not a pretty picture!

There are both blatant and subtle signs of pride—and clearly, Christians can be proud people!

Here are just a few ways Christ-followers exhibit this sin.

1. Bragging
2. Acting superior
3. Perfectionism
4. Entitlement
5. Playing the "Martyr"
6. Fault-finding
7. A Harsh Spirit
8. Superficiality
9. Defensiveness
10. Presumption before God
11. Being desperate for attention
12. Neglecting others

The Bible says arrogance, or pride, is a sin within our heart that defiles us (Mark 7:21-23). In pride, a wicked person does not seek God—in fact, there is no room for God! (Psalm 10:3-4).

I've often asked God to help me love the things He loves, and hate the things He hates. Clearly, God DETESTS the "proud of heart" (Proverbs 16:5).

How to Avoid the Sin of Pride

1. Learn Humility

First, we have to acknowledge that pride is sin and that we desperately need to learn humility.

We need to arm ourselves with truth about pride and humility, such as:

"Pride of life" is worldly; it does not come from God (1 John 2:16-17).

Pride brings disgrace, but humility brings wisdom (Proverbs 11:2).

Pride brings a person low, but the lowly in spirit gain honor (Proverbs 29:23).

God opposes the proud, but shows favor to the humble (James 4:6; 1 Peter 5:5).

God will humble those who exalt themselves (Matthew 23:12).

Choose humility, and God will lift you up at the right time (1 Peter 5:6).

2. Boast Only of the Lord

We need to stop boasting about ourselves and cultivate a healthy, sin-free way to boast!

Paul said, "may it never be that I would boast, except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ...." (Galatians 6:14a). And he practiced the right kind of boasting: "Therefore I glory in Christ Jesus in my service to God" (Romans 15:17).

In 1 Corinthians 1:31, Paul says we should "boast in the Lord" too.

Note: This is not sinful boasting. It actually means boasting OF the Lord.

This kind of boasting has nothing to do with trusting in worldly possessions—the "chariots and horses" of our day (Psalm 20:7); and it's not about speaking blessings into existence (as some preachers like to say).

So what are we suposed to boast about?

• We can boast of God's attributes.
• And we can boast of what God has done, is doing, or will do for us.

In these things, we can boast of Him "all day long" (Psalm 44:8).

In 1 Corinthians 1:31, Paul was actually quoting from Jeremiah:

Thus says the LORD: "Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight," declares the LORD. (Jeremiah 9:24).

The truth is, in ourselves we have no reason to act "puffed up" or superior. We have nothing that we did not receive from God (1 Corinthians 4:7).

We cannot even boast about our salvation, because it is a free gift (Ephesians 2:8-9), and God chose us for His own purposes (1 Corinthians 1:26-30)—not because of anything good He saw in us.

All glory must go to God alone.

God told Isaiah, I am the Lord; that is my name; my glory I give to no other (Isaiah 42:8a).

That's especially hard for people who minister on platforms and stages to remember, right? It's too easy to steal His glory. Preachers, teachers, and others in ministry must never forget we are to do all to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31).

3. Serve Others in Humility

Whereas pride can lead to fault-finding, the humbe person will attend to the log in his own eye instead of nit-picking about the speck in a fellow-believer's eye (Luke 6:42).

Prideful thinking can keep us from humble serving!

 When we serve others, we get our eyes off ourselves. But first, we need to get our eyes on Jesus to see what He sees!

Jesus was humble (Philippians 2:5-11), and when we see through our Savior's eyes, we will begin to value people above ourselves, and we we will notice ways we can help and serve them (Philippians 2:3; Mark 10:45)—just like Jesus did!

Humility was one of the characteristics emphasized in the early church, because the Apostles knew  humility would lead to loving service. Peter exhorted believers to love others, be compassionate, and be humble (1 Peter 3:8). Paul encouraged Christians to "with all humility and gentleness," bear with one another in love (Ephesians 4:2).

When we learn humility, we will be better prepared to serve God and others.

God doesn't want us to show off—unless we are showing HIM off to the world. As some have said, "Make God famous!"

Can you say with the Psalmist, "My soul will make its boast in the Lord; the humble will hear it and rejoice" (Psalm 34:2)? Which of the three ways to avoid the sin of pride would be most helpful in your life?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth at Revive Our Hearts, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Chad Madden at Unsplash.

The Power of the Table

Julie Sanders has such a heart to serve others. She especially loves to "feed" women who minister globally. In this Hospitality UPGRADE, she writes about the power of the table to connect with people who are hungry on many levels.

"Shared meals serve to nurture our bodies and our souls," Julie says, "But since the arrival of COVID-19, more sits between us than salt and pepper or a bread basket.

"Is it possible to preserve the power of the table in times of social distancing and sanitizer?"

I (Dawn) have always admired those who are so effortless with hospitality, but for many years I had the mistaken idea that hospitality meant a perfect meal or perfectly-set table. It's not that it all, as Julie so clearly explains.

Julie continues . . .

Treasured settings like holidays with family or coffees with friends run up against interference under the impacts of the pandemic. Not only do we experience physical distance, but the absence of familiar ways to feed our relationships leaves us hungry.

Our memories of cooking together, exchanging baked goods, and delivering homemade meals leave an after taste in our hearts, but leave us wanting more.

God uses food to feed us, body and soul.

We have different opinions on many things, but we can agree on the power of the table.

The Oregon Statesman Journal describes the Salem for Refugees process for receiving strangers, where the family is, “Offered a culturally-appropriate first meal.”

Others from their homeland prepare the meal upon the newcomers’ arrival. The universal language of shared food speaks life, nurturing people with a sense of welcome, safety, and peace.

Even people who don’t know Jesus as their personal Savior know a meal feeds the body and the soul.

God values what happens across and around our tables.

When describing what it looks like to be hospitable in an unhospitable land, God gave specific, authoritative directions to Israel.

Do not go over your vineyard a second time or pick up the grapes that have fallen. Leave them for the poor and the foreigner. I am the Lord your God (Leviticus 19:10).

Sometimes “foreigners” settle in our communities after being served at our tables. In that case, God goes a step further to say,

The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the Lord your God (Leviticus 19:34).

God uses the power of the table to serve a taste of His goodness to people different from us in and around our lives.

The potential of this benevolent outpouring, delivered by hospitable hands and hearts, is desperately needed now. Under the weight of the world, personal and local and global, people are hungry and thirsty. Those we know and those we don’t know have physical needs and “Woman at the Well” needs for having their needs quenched.

The One who satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things (Psalm 107:9) invites us to lay our tables with hospitality that displays and delivers the love of Christ.

So with COVID restrictions, how do we creatively continue to set a place at the table of our lives for people we know and people we don’t know? How can we extend gifts of food and friendship to those around us if they’re separated from us by restrictions, space, opinions, fear, or a mask?

10 Ways to Set the Table in COVID

1. Have a picnic outdoors.

2. Meet for a meal and chat with a live video stream.

3. Send a meal to someone stuck at home.

4. Take a coffee and blanket and meet at a bench.

5. Pay for the meal of someone in line behind you.

6. “Tailgate” back-to-back cars.

7. Drop off a favorite recipe and supplies to make it.

8. Take pictures of what you’re eating and share.

9. Talk about the special meals or events you’ve shared.

10. Make two “meal bags” with fun paper supplies, snacks, and drinks to set up at your own homes or desks and then “come to the table” together over video to catch up.

It doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be popcorn and sodas. It can be a coffee break with a muffin. Or it could be Happy Meals! The important thing is that we create a connection, a shared meal, and a virtual time and “table” that brings us together.

And as an “after dinner mint,” pray.

In all of these Plan B meals or meet ups with people we know or don’t know yet, use the connection of coming together over food to bless others.

Without the Bread of Life as the loving service behind it, it’s just food. It still helps, but it’s just food.

In these troubled times, some people feel pangs of physical hunger. All of us feel the gnawing of heart hunger. Loss or loneliness makes it harder than ever to eat food for the body or for the spirit.

The power of the table may be the influence God uses to feed people what they need now and for all eternity.

Jesus declared, ‘I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty' (John 6:35).

Meals and meet ups look a little different now for many of us, but let’s not withhold our desperately needed hospitality.

People are hungry. We can feed them.

What limitations do I have right now around sharing meals with others? Who around me is hungry physically? Who is hungry spiritually? What resources of mine could feed them?

Julie Sanders loves feeding women who lead globally. She’s the author of The ABCs of Praying for Students, and Expectant, a devotional for new moms. Julie finds joy in helping women discover and develop their gifts to influence others for the Gospel. She sets the table and writes from her online home at juliesanders.org.

Graphic adapted, courtesty of MyriamsFotos at Pixabay.

Infant Loss: Uplift for the Grieving Mother

Please note: This article is about losing a child to miscarriage or infant loss. While the author has been careful in how she expresses her thoughts, it still may trigger deep, painful feelings in those who have experienced this loss. Know that Morgan's goal—and mine—is only to encourage, and not bring more pain.

In this month set aside to remember those who have experienced infant loss, Morgan Farr writes this Grief UPGRADE with the desire to help grieving mothers, and also those who may need insight in helping moms process their grief.

Morgan quotes Franchesca Cox:

"A mother is never defined by the number of children you can see, but by the love that she holods in her heart."

I (Dawn) have wept with women who lost children in miscarriage or sudden death infant syndrome—and also with the babies' grandmothers! There is no easy way to comfort them, but God wants us to "mourn with those who mourn." I am glad Morgan is tackling this tough topic.

Morgan continues . . .

If you have ever lost a child to miscarriage or infant loss, my heart breaks for you. Though I now have four wonderful children, I have walked in your shoes three different times.

You are not alone in this journey.

In fact, many women have walked in our shoes—one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage.

Throughout history, miscarriage and infant loss have been taboo subjects, but that is all changing. In the fall of 1988, President Ronald Regan designated October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. And in 2002, October 15 was named "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day."

All of that is great, but what do you actually do?

• After you have lost a baby, how do you function?
• How do you commemorate the importance of this life without being in a constant state of mourning?

I totally get that. A lot of the language used around miscarriage is ambiguous or antiquated. I struggled with it too.

In military life, acronyms are just the way we speak, so I use "EMBER" to help grieving mothers process grief—to help them remember the child they lost.

E — EXPRESS

After a miscarriage, you are going to feel a LOT of things... and nothing.

I had days where I was almost irrationally angry, days where tears poured down my face all day, and days where I felt absolutely nothing. All of those feelings are entirely normal, and it is important to express them.

This is where community comes in. Galatians 6:2 says,

"Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

Finding a grief support group can be a wonderful way to talk to other women that just "get it." Many hospitals offer free grief support groups. There are also nonprofits that help women during this time as well.

If you aren’t comfortable in a group, find someone you can talk to.

You NEED to talk through these emotions in a safe place where you can be vulnerable. Allow others to help you carry this burden.

M — MEMORIALIZE

You may or may not have a grave to visit due to the nature of your miscarriage and how far along you were.

• If you have a gravesite and are able to visit it and place flowers there, that can be helpful in the healing process.
• A lot of women wear a necklace or a charm bracelet that might have the birthstone of the baby.
• Some people keep framed sonograms.
• Some people plant a tree or a bush to memorialize the baby that was lost.

This is a completely personal choice—up to you.

Also, realize that how you memorialize may need to change as you process your grief.

I couldn’t look at the sonogram for months after the miscarriage, so I kept them in a drawer until the pain wasn't as bad.

B - BALANCE

After you have a miscarriage, you are often expected to get back to "normal" life relatively quickly. In many places there isn’t even time off for a miscarriage as there would be for another kind of death.

It is crucial that you check in on your system and make sure you are balanced.

• If you are struggling emotionally, reach out.
• If your body doesn’t feel right, call your doctor.
• If you have difficulty sleeping or eating, get help.

You went through something traumatic. You do NOT have to pretend like everything is ok.

You figure out what you need and make it happen.

E — ENLIGHTEN

People often don’t know how to relate to a woman who has had a miscarriage.

The problem is, they just need to be enlightened that you are still mourning and you need time.

So I am going to teach you the phrase that changed the game for me. Ready?

“I had a miscarriage _____ days/weeks/months ago; I need some time.”

If you aren’t ready for (insert any activity that you aren’t ready for here) yet, use this phrase.

Enlighten those around you about what you can and cannot deal with right now.

R — REMEMBER

Choosing how you remember your little one is entirely up to you. This is a personal decision, and you need to do what works best for you and your family.

I chose to remember the babies that God called home by naming them.

On the anniversary of the miscarraige, we have cupcakes, and we remember the siblings that my kids didn’t get to meet—using their names.

This gave me a great sense of CLOSURE, and helped me to feel like I wasn’t the only one who would remember their names.

Psalm 34:18 says,

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

It is OK to mourn. It is OK to be sad.

Using EMBER to remember and to memorialize your little one can help you heal.

Remember, our God knew each one of us before we were born, and He knows your baby too.

Morgan Farr is a Texas-loving, succulent-cultivating, book nerd and aspiring author. Stationed in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, this Army wife is learning to train dogs, developing her four young children, and tackling homeschool life—all while moving all over the country. Morgan believes in integrity, authenticity, and grit. Although she writes for many different publications, you can almost always find Morgan’s most recent ramblings on her blog.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Callie Reagan at Pixabay.