upgradeyourlife

Entries in Upgrade Your Life (9)

Thursday

Jul072016

To Tell the Truth

Deb DeArmond loves to build strong relationships, especially marriage relationshps. In this Relationship UPGRADE, she reminds us how "truth" can strengthen and empower any relationship.

“It’s not always easy to tell the truth," Deb says. "The truth can sting, bruise or even break a heart. And we may worry about the impact it will have on someone we deeply love ... like our spouse.”

This is something I (Dawn) have debated with many people. Truth must always win out, but there's a way to be honest that will honor God.

Deb continues . . .

July 7 is National Tell the Truth Day. I’m sure God expects it to happen more often than just one day each year. And He has a lot to say on the matter of truthfulness—how to do it, why to do it, and the price of failing to do it.

Telling the truth is a lesson we learned early in life. Mama and Daddy, the Sunday school teacher and every adult we knew reminded us of the importance of truth-telling.

And children are often known for telling the whole truth—sometimes to the chagrin of their parents, who hadn’t counted on a personal family moment being shared with the pastor or the next-door neighbor!

As adults, however, the truth can feel more complicated.

“Oh, it’s okay. It’s no big deal.” (He has no idea how it hurt me. Again.)
“What she doesn’t know can’t hurt her.” (Maybe someone else will tell her.)
“I’ll just let it go.” (It’s not worth the effort or thought required.)
“Sure. That’s fine with me.” (Forget it. She won’t listen anyway.)

It’s easy to convince ourselves that it would be too uncomfortable for the other person to hear the truth.

More likely, we’re the ones who aren’t comfortable. We may be unsure the relationship is strong enough to withstand honesty. Experience might suggest the truth is not welcome or perhaps it’s has been used as a battering ram in the past.

No wonder we simply let ourselves off the hook—even with our husband or wife. It’s easier.

The Word is clear about the truth:

“But speaking the truth in love, you may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ” (Eph. 4:15 NKJV).

And there’s the rub. The truth is to be spoken, no question about that. But it’s always to be done in love.

Without love, it’s just a set of facts, information, data. And data often fails to inspire, encourage, motivate, or move the heart to understanding. And what’s a marriage with out understanding?

In the research for our book on marital conflict, we discovered that many couples have surrendered—no longer telling one another the truth. They’d rather live what was described as “living compatibly” than to trouble the waters in what they feared would be conflict they couldn’t contain.

Conflict isn’t the problem. It’s how we handle conflict that determines whether the end result is discovery or damage.

We often regard confrontation as aggressive. It doesn’t have to be.

Confronting one another in love restores connection. It says, “I love you enough to fight along side you for our marriage.” Your marriage has an enemy, but it’s not your spouse.

Just because there’s quiet in the house doesn’t mean there’s peace. God wants so much more for our marriages and our lives.

So why not make a fresh commitment to the truth today—with yourself and your spouse. No fudging on facts. No little white lies.

Love will make the way.

What truth is overdue today? How can you wrap it in love?

Deb DeArmond’s passion is family—not just her own, but the relationships within families in general. Her books provide tools, tips and biblical perspective to build sound relationships within marriage, as parents, and extended family-including mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. Deb and her husband of 41 years, Ron, live in the Fort Worth area. For more about Deb and her books visit her "Family Matters" site.

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Thursday, July 7, 2016 at 7:30AM

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Monday

Dec232013

The Greatest Upgrade of All

Dawn Wilson

As I'm pondering the meaning of Christmas on this Christmas Eve, I'm thinking about the ultimate UPGRADE.

The greatest upgrade of all time originated in the heart of God. He desired to transform our minds and hearts so He could have a relationship with us. But to do that, He had to do something about our desperate sin problem.

So "the Father sent the Son to be the Saviour of the world" (1 John 4:14). God didn't send Jesus to condemn the world, but to save it (John 3:17). This perfect baby would grow up to be our restitution with God - the "atoning sacrifice for our sins" (1 John 2:2; Romans 6:23). This had to happen because God could not have a relationship with sinners like you and me; we are all sinners (Romans 3:23), alienated from the Creator God.

The Author of Life loved us (John 3:16; Romans 5:8) and desired to give "forever life" to us, but we cannot receive His gift until we believe in what Jesus accomplished on the cross and in the power of His resurrection (1 Corinthians 15:1-4; Romans 10:9-10). We need to place our trust in Jesus' work for us.

God's salvation is a free gift (Ephesians 2:8). There are no good works or attempts at self-help that can make us right with Him. Self-help tends to cultivate independence from God, and much of it can lead to unbiblical thinking - being "wise" in our own eyes (Proverbs 3:5-7).

God says we can be justified - legally declared righteous by Him - on the basis of Jesus' shed blood (Romans 5:9; Hebrews 9:22). We receive God's mercy and forgiveness, and His purposes for us are all wrapped up in our relationship with Christ.

The miracle is, God exchanges our sin for Jesus' righteousness. It is the greatest, most transforming upgrade of all time ... if we will receive it.

And then, God does not leave us alone in our daily struggles. He gives us another gift, the Holy Spirit, and He sanctifies us - He makes us holy (John 17:17; Romans 6:6; Hebrews 10:14; 1 Corinthians 6:11; Jude 1:24). He makes us "partakers of the divine nature" (2 Peter 1:3-4). Through the power of the Holy Spirit, our loving Father God continues to work in our lives to make us more like Jesus (Romans 8:29; 2 Corinthians 3:18).

We have the joy, privilege and opportunity to cooperate with God in His work of making us more like His Son.

In other words, we "upgrade" in our daily choices whenever we trust God, surrender to His control and obey the truth principles and commands of scripture in every area of life: finances, marriage, attitudes, parenting - everything!

"For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure" (Philippians 2:13).

Everything we will ever be and do to glorify God is accomplished through our union with Jesus. We will glorify and enjoy the Father as we learn to "fear" Him properly, look to Jesus, walk in the Spirit and become wise in the Word (Proverbs 9:10; 16:6; Hebrews 12:2; Galatians 5:16; Colossians 1:9-10).

The Puritan writer Thomas Watson once wrote, "The glory of God is a silver thread which must run through all our actions .... We glorify God when we live to God." We can glorify Him in the ordinary ... the everyday choices we make. And that is the purpose behind all the "upgrades" you will see on this blog and website.

This Christmas - remember:

Your transformation began in the heart of God, and He is pleased when you cooperate with His work in your heart!

The Father's love was poured out to us in a lowly manger in Bethlehem, and His love continued to pour out when Jesus died for our sins. We still hear His words echoing through the ages:

"Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes has eternal life" (John 6:47).

What an upgrade!

How has God changed you ... encouraged you ... challenged you ... and made you more like Jesus? I'd love to hear your story.

Or ... do you still need to trust the Savior? You can do that today. Here is a suggested prayer you might pray:

"Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner and I do not deserve eternal life. But, I believe You died and rose from the grave to make me a new creation and to prepare me to dwell in your presence forever. Jesus, come into my life, take control of my life, forgive my sins and save me. I am now placing my trust in You alone for my salvation and I accept your free gift of eternal life. I ask You to teach me how I can now make choices every day to please and honor you. Thank you, Jesus."

Friend, if you have prayed that prayer, let me know so I can rejoice with you.

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Ministries, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. In these ministries and as President of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in Ministry (NEWIM San Diego), Dawn encourages, edifies and energizes women with scripture so they can better enjoy life, bless others and honor God. Dawn and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons and three granddaughters.

Note: The Heart Nativity Ornament is from Bronner's CHRISTmas Wonderland, Frankenmuth, Michigan.

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Monday, December 23, 2013 at 11:30PM

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Thursday

Jul042013

Patriotism Plus!

Dawn Wilson

I love America! I'd rather live here than anywhere in the world. In spite of current governmental choices I may not like, I still have basic freedoms enshrined in our founding documents. Don’t ever take our freedoms in America for granted!

Here are some ways we can all “upgrade” our expression of patriotism:

Tell your children and grandchildren why America is so special. Make sure they understand the freedoms we share. Read or get them books that focus on true American heroes. Encourage them to create and display “patriotic” art.
Read about some American heroes yourself—our Founding Fathers (and Mothers). What are the character qualities that made them great?
Get a flag and fly it—show your American spirit! Don’t just wait for July 4^th or Flag Day. Learn flag etiquette.
Honor those who have fought or are fighting to keep America free. Visit the graves of those who gave “the ultimate sacrifice.” Write a note of gratitude to someone in the Armed Forces.
Wear the “red, white and blue” occasionally. Remember: red is for courage and sacrifice, blue is for justice and freedom, and white is for purity.
Host neighborhood or family get-togethers on patriotic holidays. Bake some red, white and blue desserts, or create a dish of berries and cream. Decorate with flags and stars.
Enjoy fireworks shows together – celebrate our freedom!
Read the words of America’s patriotic songs (like the “Star Spangled Banner,” “America,” or “God Bless America.”) Consider how God has indeed blessed our nation.
Vacation in American historical sites.
Volunteer – practice the spirit of American compassion and giving. Consider working at a mission, food bank, or homeless shelter.
Watch a classic movie to inspire you – like Mr. Smith Goes to Washington or Independence Day.
Cheer on Americans who strive for excellence, whether it’s the Olympics, World Cup or a spelling bee!
Pray for America’s leaders – even the ones you don’t agree with! (Run for office or another leadership role, if God calls you to do so.)
Pray for America—especially that God’s people will stand with courage. Remember that true freedom comes from Him. We love America, but God is more concerned about our hearts than where we live (Psalm 33:12-22). Seek Him!

What does “Patriotism” look like to you?

Dawn Wilson is the founder of Heart Choices Ministries and creator of UpgradeWithDawn.com and also blogs at LOLwithGod.com. Dawn's ministry encourages, edifies and energizes women with the truth of scripture so they can better enjoy life, bless others and honor God. She lives in San Diego with her husband Bob and a rascally maltipoo named Roscoe.

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Thursday, July 4, 2013 at 7:00AM

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Thursday

Jun132013

Eight Ways to Respond to Fear

Dawn Wilson

Whether fraught with many fears or only occasionally caught in their grasp, it’s important to know how to respond when fear-causing circumstances arrive.

1. Face your fear. Financial upheavals, government turmoil, wars, natural disasters and the ravages of disease are just a few catalysts to fear; and many Christians suffer for their faith (Hebrews 11:32-38).

God means for us to face all our fears with Him. Jesus said, “… you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33b).

2. Find the sting – Paul asks, “O death, where is your sting?” (1 Corinthians 15:55) The Message translates this, “Oh, Death, who’s afraid of you now?” Because of Christ’s victory over sin and death, the believer can have victory, not fear.

No matter the “sting” of difficult circumstances, there is comfort in the midst of pain, hope in the midst of devastation and more. Define the sting, and discover the antidote in Christ.

3. Feel the pain – Sometimes emotions run deep. Read the Psalms and discover man’s gamut of emotions, including fear.

Rather than running from emotions, give yourself permission to feel them so you can deal with them. Don’t hide, shut down or reject the truth of what’s happening. Behind many fears is the reality or perception of loss. Don’t get morbid, but acknowledge what loss feels like and choose to grieve well.

4. Free your mind – In the movie After Earth, the character played by Will Smith says, “Fear … is a product of thoughts you create. … Danger is very real. But fear is a choice.” It’s true. We cannot escape the feeling of fear when it comes, but we choose what we do next.

We can counter the enemy’s lies. Jesus says to his abiding disciples, “you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32). God wants to renew and transform our thoughts (Romans 12:2). He desires to give us a spirit of power, love, and a calm, well-balanced mind of discipline and self-control (2 Timothy 1:7).

5. Frame your responses – My dad encouraged me to think through my fears, asking, “What’s the worst that could happen?” He helped me examine my choices.

When fear comes, consider your options. Create a “how to” notebook as a resource of helpful information. Make a list of crisis steps. Imagine acting with wisdom, courage and obedience, no matter what comes—like Daniel (6:7-22) and Esther (3:5-6; 4:1-16).

6. Feed your faith – The person who is armed with biblical resources is better prepared to face fears.

Feed your faith by memorizing and meditating on scripture and developing intimacy with God in prayer. Find mentors who have walked through trials with courage. Create a blessings journal and review God's faithfulness (Psalm 89:8; 115:1; Lamentations 3:22-23). Remembering how God’s presence got you through past trials will encourage you in today’s struggles (Psalm 91:3-6; 1 Corinthians 10:13).

7. Flourish in Friendships - Don’t go it alone. The Body of Christ is meant to come alongside with encouragement and comfort, and can do so because of the Comforter (the Helper) within (John 14:16, 26; 2 Corinthians 1:4). Reach out. Be transparent. Accept help.

8. Focus on praise – Be like Joseph (Genesis 50:20) and Job (Job 1:1; 19:25). Practice God-confidence and worship now, so it will be second-nature when tough times come.

What is your most powerful BIBLICAL response to fear?

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Thursday, June 13, 2013 at 7:00AM

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Tuesday

Jun112013

When You're Feeling Lonely

Dawn Wilson

Meet Cindi McMenamin: Cindi’s books encourage women to dream, to rest and to find purpose in God. She is especially skilled in encouraging women to trust God with their emotions and attitudes. She has some powerful insights for us today:

Do you struggle with loneliness? Whether we are married or not, we can feel loneliness start to creep into our lives and change our attitude if we're not carefully guarding our heart and mind.

One morning as I was struggling with loneliness because of disappointments and unmet expectations in my life, I realized I was in my state of mind because I was believing something about my situation -- or about God - that wasn't true. So, I had to incorporate this principle, from my book, Women on the Edge, into my life to upgrade my attitude. You can upgrade your attitude (and those feelings of loneliness), too, by sorting the facts from the feelings:

In other words, when you focus on the facts (about God’s character and the promises in His Word) and not on what you are feeling, you can immediately upgrade your attitude and get through your day.

You may be feeling like everyone has abandoned you and you are alone. But the fact is that God has promised that He will never leave you, nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
You may be feeling hopeless in your situation. But the fact is that God promises He will work all things (even this difficult time of feeling alone) for good to those that love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).
You may be feeling alone in your circumstances, like God is unaware and unconcerned with your pain at the moment. But the fact is that God is aware of what you are feeling at every moment. He has searched you and He knows you. He perceives your thoughts from afar. Before a word is on your tongue, He knows it completely (Psalm 139:1-4).
You may be feeling it is impossible for God to give you the kind of wisdom you need to deal with situations in your life as a woman, wife or mother, but the fact is God is able to give you the kind of wisdom you need, because James 1:5 says, “if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”

In other words, when you focus on the facts (about God’s character and the promises in His Word) and not on what you are feeling, you can immediately upgrade your attitude and get through your day.

Which of these promises from scripture most encourage you when you feel lonely?

Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker and author of several books, including Women on the Edge, When a Woman Overcomes Life's Hurts, and When Women Walk Alone.

For more on her books, ministry, and free resources to strengthen your soul, see her website: www.StrengthForTheSoul.com.

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Tuesday, June 11, 2013 at 7:00AM

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