Now He's Alone

Susan K. Stewart is a creative writer, often using what is at hand to teach powerful, practical scriptural truths. In this Hope UPGRADE, she asks us to consider her donkey friend, Jeb.

"Being alone is not pleasant for any of us," Susan says. "Loneliness is made harder because it’s a pain that can’t be seen."

I (Dawn) also believe the pain of loneliness is real, and it's been magnified by the coronavirus lockdowns and restrictions. God has a word of comfort for the lonely, and sometimes He speaks through unusual means—even a donkey's soulful bray.

Susan continues . . .

Jeb hadn’t always been alone. He had family and friends nearby when we met him. Gradually though, they all seemed to move on, leaving him a sad, lonely donkey.

Our life with donkeys began with three jennies from a camp for special needs children. We adopted three of the five therapy animals: Georgia May, Hope, and Shawna. Our neighbor took in the other two: Ellie May and Jeb.

Even though the tiny herd was split up, they stayed in touch with occasional brays. Daily we could hear them chatting back and forth. Even though they couldn’t see each, the “family” knew they were all close by.

A couple of years later, we needed to re-home our three girls. Although the daily family chatter stopped, we could still hear Ellie May and Jeb converse, usually to anyone who would listen.

A few months later, Ellie May disappeared. We don’t know how she got out of the pasture, where she went, or why Jeb didn’t follow.

Now he was alone.

We could hear it in his calls. It sounded as though he were asking, “Where are you?”

Soon the cries for his family decreased, then stopped. Oh, Jeb still joined with other donkeys in the area with the morning donkey grapevine. But he no longer hollered for his family. They were gone.

As time went on, more of the donkey neighbors moved. The morning chatter stopped. No more friendly bantering catching up on the pasture news.

Eventually Jeb moved to our pasture. Our pasture is situated where he can see us throughout the day. While he was acclimating to his new home, we often went out to be sure he knew where the sweet feed was at, make his way to the hay feeder, and be sure he couldn’t work his way out of the gate. He only brayed to announce he was ready to eat.

He was still alone.

Sadly, there are Jebs all around us. People left behind for a number of reasons: friends and family move, a death of loved one, social distancing, and in our overly fast world no one has time to visit. Calls are made for awhile, but eventually when no one answers, they stop.

None of us wants to be a lonely Jeb.

Nor do we want to be the cause of such loneliness.

The writers of Hebrews tells us:

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near” (Hebrews 10:24-25 ESV).

Here we have an outline to stave off aloneness.

1. The core of these verses is “not neglecting to meet together.”

This doesn’t only apply to attending functions at church. We can meet others where they are at—a coffee shop, their home, a care facility.

In our current world of social distancing and quarantines, it’s too easy to neglect basic fellowship. For those who are house bound, a simple phone call is all that is needed to let them know family and friends are still near—for “meeting together”

2. We’re also told to encourage one another.

One definition of encouragement is “the action of giving someone support, confidence, or hope.”

I like the word “hope,” giving someone hope as a way of encouraging.

Doom and gloom seem to be all around us. We need to depend on each other for positive reports, positive conversation, even positive social media—for hope.

During this time of economic difficulties, encouragement can come in the form of a bag of groceries or a gift card.

Any way we can let others know we see them and we care gives needed support for confident hope.

3. It’s after we reach out and give support we can help “stir up love and good works” in others.

A lonely person may be like our Jeb—going through the motions of each day, but no desire to do much more.

Through our actions, the Jebs in our lives can see love and good works, then move on to share to with others.

Each of us, even when surrounded by others, can feel abandoned and alone. We can even feel God has deserted us. We don’t seem to hear him.

Think of all those who have gone before us who had the same emotions.

• David wrote, “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?”
• How much more alone could Jonah have felt?
• Jesus cried on the cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Mark 15:34)

Then came the morning. God was there. He is there.

While we may be alone for a while, we are never deserted. Our companion, Jesus Christ, is walking with us, even when we don’t see him.

Do you feel alone? How can you move from loneliness to hope to encouragement?

Susan K. Stewart is the Managing Nonfiction Editor with Elk Lake Publishing Inc. She tends her donkeys, chickens, and various other creatures with her husband Bob on a small ranch in Central Texas. Susan’s passion is to inspire readers with practical, real-world solutions. Her book, Donkey Devos: Listen to your donkey when God speaks, is due out early next year. Learn more at her website:  www.practicalinspirations.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Anna ER at Pixabay.

Know the Marriage Code?

Pam Farrel knows how to encourage women (and her husband likewise encourages men). In this Marriage UPGRADE, Pam explains the "marriage code," and how understanding and applying it can transform marriage relationships.

"Codes are all around us and you need one to access just about everything that is important or sensitive," Pam says. "So, what is 'the marriage code'?"

I (Dawn) learned about this code—though I didn't call it that—at the beginning of my marriage. I can testify that the code God designed is a blessing, because it provides a healthy framework and perspective on this vital relationship.

Pam continues . . .  

What are the keys that unlock the potential in your love? They are found in Ephesians 5:33:

… each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Did you notice different commands are given to the husband and the wife?

The obvious question is, “Why?”

Why not just give general instructions that apply to both husbands and wives?

In our book, The Marriage Code, we point out there are diverse passwords that grant you access to the best parts of your relationship.

When this code is in place, your relationship appears to be relatively easy. The way you interact, love, argue, and make decisions is satisfying for you as a couple.

When the code is missing, all the systems of your relationship are awkward, your love for each other is elusive, and you seem to disagree on just about everything.

The marriage code is based on the most common needs that men and women have.

When you meet the key need in your mate’s heart, you move above the “line of trust” in your marriage, where life and love is sweet and satisfying.

However, you are very different from one another, and you have different needs at the core of who you are.

HER Code

The password that will give a man access to his wife’s heart is: Security.

Security is the priority core need in a woman’s life. Because of hormones, a woman’s life is always changing. A husband wins at love when he makes it his ambition to meet his wife’s security need first in all things.

Any time she gets the message from him, “You are safe with me, and it is alright to be who you are right now,” her heart is drawn toward him and she relaxes in the relationship.

HIS Code

The password that will give a woman access to her husband’s heart is: Success.

She does this when she makes it her ambition to create an environment where her husband can succeed at work, with the kids, at church, in the community—and especially with her! 

Any time he gets the message from her, “I love the way you live, and I love the way you love me,” his heart is drawn toward her and he gains confidence in the relationship.

Your Marriage MEET UP

For over 40 years, Bill and I have had a weekly Marriage Meet Up.

• This regular meeting keeps us pulling in the same direction together.
• It also helps us stay connected emotionally and spiritually.

The Meet Ups keep the A.H.A. in our relationship.

1. A - Attitudes

We begin and end with prayer and scripture, so the Holy Spirit has room to work on us on as individuals and as a couple.  

2. H - Habits

The weekly Marriage Meet Ups include practical routines of matching calendars, talking through financials, tasks, To Do lists, and dividing up responsibilities.

3. A - Affection

We bookend the marriage meet ups with compliments and affirmations.

We thank each other for something we are grateful for in the past week, and at the end we affirm one another and speak life-giving affirmations on a trait or action we saw expressed in the meeting.

When you apply the Marriage Code, your weekly Marriage Meet Ups will go smoother if he enters feeling successful and she enters feeling secure.

Cozy up and make a date where you each finish these sentences:

Husband to the wife:

Honey, the things you say and do that help me feel most successful are . . . 

Wife to the husband:

Honey, the things you say and do that make me feel most secure are . . . 

Keep the A.H.A. in YOUR marriage!

What day and time can you and your mate meet up each week?

Pam Farrel is an international speaker, relationship expert, and the author of more than 50 books including their newest, Marriage Meet Ups: A His and Her set, 52 week devotional planner for couples that want purpose, passion and productivity. To go into the meet up happier,  download your free copy of Infectious Joy! Pam and her husband, Bill, Co-Direct Love-Wise Ministries. They invite you to become a member of the Living Love-Wise Community.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Maura Barbulescu at Pixabay.

Photo of Bill and Pam by Rebecca Friedlander.

Lessons Learned on My Kneeling Prayer Pillow

Yvonne Ortega, author of a series of books—Moving from Broken to Beautiful®—wants women to know how to cope biblically when struggles come. In this Prayer UPGRADE, she encourages us to turn to the Lord when trials come.

Yvonne says, “I fell to my knees on my kneeling prayer pillow and said, ‘God, I feel helpless. What can I do?”

I (Dawn) have felt helpless many times. When alone in a struggle. When it seemed I was doomed to fail no matter my choice. After a terrible diagnosis. But in every case, time with the Lord lifted my burden and enabled me to move forward with peace and joy.

Yvonne continues . . .

“I had a radical mastectomy,” my cousin told me on the phone.

My mind went back to the wonderful visit we enjoyed the previous summer. I blew kisses to her and her husband and said, “I’ll see you next summer.”

Little did we know a pandemic would strike and change our plans. Her health would also change.

The following week after my cousin’s call about her surgery, I called to check on her. She told me her younger sister had something similar to a stroke. It caused weakness in one leg and difficulty speaking.

My cousin reminded me that her younger sister had been born with Arterial Vascular Malfunction, which caused the “stroke.”

“Without daily physical therapy and exercise on her own, she’ll be paralyzed.”

She asked me to call her younger sister “because she’s religious like you are.” Before I did that, I fell to my knees again.

“Oh, dear God, I feel more and more helpless. I’m a thousand miles away and cannot travel. Both of their parents passed away years ago. What can I do? What can I say? Please God, show me.”

That same week, I made numerous attempts to reach my elderly aunt and uncle. They live in a senior community in an independent living suite. When my cell phone rang, I could see they were the ones calling me. At the sight of a big smile on my uncle’s face, I smiled, too, and felt relieved.

Then, my aunt said, “We’re quarantined to our rooms again.” 

“What happened?” I asked.

“One of the residents died from COVID-19.”

My heart raced.

When we hung up, I headed to my kneeling prayer pillow again.

“God, if the coronavirus doesn’t end soon, I’ll wear out my kneeling prayer pillow and need knee replacement surgery. What can I do for my aunt and uncle? You must have something you want to teach me.”

Here are three lessons God is teaching me about how I am to pray.

1. I am to praise the Lord.

The psalmist wrote,

“Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord, my soul. I will praise the Lord all my life” (Psalm 146:1–2a NIV).

I noticed that passage didn’t read, “Praise the Lord only when you receive good news.” It simply told me to praise the Lord. I needed to spend time in praise to the Sovereign Lord because of who he is.

The passage also told me that my SOUL is to praise the Lord.

I wondered why it didn’t read body and soul until I read Matthew 10:28. Before Jesus sent out his disciples, he told them,

“Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell” (Matthew 10:28).

The soul lives on. It is eternal.

2. I am to sing for joy to the Lord.

When I read Psalm 95, I stared at it and read it slowly. I read it a second time and pointed to each word.

“Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker” (Psalm 95:1 and 6).

I am not to sing for happiness but for joy.

Happiness depends on earthly pleasures or good luck. Joy is eternal. I can sing for joy because God is my Rock and my Maker.

And there’s that word, again, “kneel.”

I bow down in worship and kneel before him. He is the Creator. I am the created.

3. I am to pray with a heart of thanksgiving.

In Philippians 4: 6, Paul wrote,

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

This third lesson is still in progress in my life.

Do I pray with thanksgiving because I expect God to say “Yes” to my requests?
Do I pray with thanksgiving so that God will think He must meet my expectations?

My answer is “Sometimes” to both questions.

• I struggle to surrender my will to His.
• I pray with thanksgiving because God knows the big picture.
• I trust Him to do what is best in the long run.

How will you pray this week?

Yvonne Ortega walks with a small footprint but leaves a giant imprint in people’s lives. She is the author of the Moving from Broken to Beautiful® Series through cancer, forgiveness, and grief. Yvonne speaks with honesty and humor as she shares her life and struggles to help women find peace, power, and purpose through God’s Word. She celebrates life at the beach where she walks, builds sand castles, blows bubbles, and dances. For more information about Yvonne, visit her website.

Graphic of Pillow Cover Case adapted (original without the words). It can be purchased — CaliTime Cozy Bolster Pillow Cover Case at Amazon.

Silencing the Whisper of Fear

Cathy Horning is a woman of wisdom and prayer, informed by her knowledge of the Word and ways of God. In this Attitude UPGRADE, she exposes the enemy of fear—how it attacks our thought life—and how we can learn to face down our fears in positive ways.

“Fear’s whisper plants a seed in our thoughts," Cathy says, quoting a friend. "Then fear continues it’s whispers to take over our whole mind.”

I (Dawn) know the power of an unauthorized thought. Unless challenged with truth—and taking our thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5)—fear takes over and affects our attitudes and actions!

Cathy continues . . .

Recently, I read this Facebook post:

“So who else here starts freaking out if you have a little tickle in your throat or cough a few times?  I think we are all going to have some MAJOR PTSD from this stupid COVID! Go away... we don't want you anymore!”

Dozens responded to my friend’s post. Including me.

You see, I understand the scare of the throat tickle and cough, because the first few weeks of 2020 I was sick. Really sick.

It started with tummy troubles, then chills, a fever, then a dry cough that turned into a deep one, with tightness in my chest. The worst part of all, though, was a weakness that just wouldn't go away.

After six weeks, I went to the doctor, which revealed only a vitamin D deficiency. 

I chalked it up to a winter flu.

At the time, there were no daily news reports to whisper fear into me with terms like "plague," "pandemic," "coronavirus" or "COVID-19."

But as tummy troubles, fatigue, lethargy and more turned into a deep, tight chest cough, I felt fear’s whisper as I remembered my battle with pneumonia the year before. I recognized fear’s poisonous voice, andA immediately, I began the battle to silence its control.

1. I silenced the whispers of fear with PRAYER!

A Prayer of Surrender from Romans 12:1 —

“Father, I offer my body to You as a living sacrifice. Sanctify me through and through, and make me holy and pleasing to You. Teach me how to live every breath of my life in worship service to You.”

A Prayer of Trust from Daniel 5:23d —

“I honor You, dear Lord God! I thank You that You hold in Your hand my life and all of my ways!”

A Prayer for Healing from Mark 16:18 and Romans 8:11 —

“Thank you Jesus, You said that believers will lay hands on the sick and they will recover. So, Lord, I lay my hands on my sick body and I ask for You to heal me.” 

And, “Abba Father, thank You that the same Spirit who raised Jesus from the dead is living in me. So, please let Your indwelling Holy Spirit quicken and give life to my mortal body, now!”

2. I silenced the whispers of fear with SELF-CARE!

As every part of my body grew weaker, I knew I had neglected my own health during the holidays.

• I had become lazy about taking my daily vitamins.
• I ate too many holiday treats.
• And, routine exercise had flown out the window.

Experience told me that neglecting any one of these was deadly on my immune system.

I knew I needed to take better care of myself.

• I restocked my vitamins, adding D and C, and faithfully took them each day.
• I stopped eating sugary snacks—almost completely.
• And, I began to walk often, a little more each day, as my strength gradually returned. 

3. I silenced the whispers of fear by LIMITING what I watched and read, as well as HEEDING the wisdom and instruction of those I trusted!

As I healed, some symptoms lingered for several more weeks, especially at night. Each time, fear’s whispers were fueled by the daily COVID reports, as well as by any ache, throat tickle or cough.

So, I silenced the whispers of fear by turning off the news and scrolling past the social media posts which fed the fear and anxiety.

Plus, I embraced the resources I read and learned about from others.

• I used good old Vicks (vapor rub and lozenges) for little coughs and throat tickles.
• I started each day with hot showers and pounding on my chest and back. It couldn’t hurt, right?
• And, I saved posts about old-fashioned respiratory therapy exercises, often used before modern medicines and machines.

When I wrote my last UPGRADE post—right after the shut down had begun—we all hoped it would end quickly. Now, here we are six months later.

Our world turned upside-down.

The whispers of fear have traumatized many, as my friend’s earlier post described. However, we don’t have to fall victim to fear’s control.

Each time we hear its whisper, we can run to the Lord in prayer. We can take care of ourselves with right eating, purposeful exercise, and immune boosting vitamins. And, we can turn off the incessant bad news, and, instead, utilize helpful information we find from reliable sources.

As our weeks have turned into months of restrictions and shutdowns, I still fight to silence the whispers of fear.

I wear masks and sanitize my hands. I am careful when I am out. And, I pray, a lot. I am taking care of my heath the best I can. And, I carefully choose what I read, listen to, and watch.

I know fear’s whisper would take over my mind, if I let it.

How about you? Do you recognize fear’s whispers? How do you silence this quiet enemy who longs to control your mind?

Cathy Horning is a popular speaker, Bible teacher, mentor, blogger and author. She is first and foremost a wife, mom and grammy, who passionately loves to teach and encourage others in faith, marriage and parenting, as well as how to delight daily in the Word of God. Visit Cathy's website for more information.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Moni McKein at Pixabay.

Seven Gifts Hidden in the Shadow of Cancer

Joanie Shawhan knows how to introduce light into shadows. Diagnosed with ovarian cancer, she turned to the Lord for encouragement, and now she offers that same encouragement to others. In this Health and Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she offers a positive perspective for an otherwise difficult diagnosis.

Joanie asks, "How could anything good come from cancer?"

I (Dawn) asked myself that question when diagnosed with blood cancer. But then I read scriptures (1 Chronicles 16:34; Romans 8:28; James 1:17) about my good Father God, and I believed He could bring good from anything!

Joanie continues . . .

As an oncology nurse, I was familiar with the ravages of cancer and chemotherapy. But in 2006, ovarian cancer flung me to the other side of the bed.

I dutifully exchanged my nursing scrubs for peekaboo gowns and skid-free gripper socks. Instead of threading needles into the veins of my patients, machines pumped chemotherapy into my veins.

Chemotherapy pummeled my body, and I didn’t think I would survive the next hour, the next minute. But somewhere in the midst of this devastation and beyond, God surprised me with an overriding sense of His grace and showered me with gifts, hidden in the shadow of cancer.

Seven Gifts Hidden in the Shadow of Cancer

1. Family and Friends

I experienced the love and support of many people who prayed with and for me.

They:

• provided meals,
• comforted me,
• sat with me during tests,
• helped me select wigs,
• and provided rides to chemotherapy.

Well-wishers sent cards, gifts, and flowers, reminding me I was not forgotten.

2. Rest

I could do nothing, absolutely nothing, for several days following chemotherapy.

I wasn’t only physically and mentally impaired, but I also felt spiritually impaired, unable to focus to read my Bible or pray.

But God only asked that I rest like a child in His arms—the arms of a loving Father—and allow Him to carry me through this trial.

3. Laughter

While I lay in the hospital bed with my finger poised over the pain medication button, my sister surfed the internet for wigs, hats, and scarves.

“We have to make this fun,” she said.

Fun? Where was sisterly commiseration?

But she was right. Shopping for wigs and hats was fun. I laughed as I tied scarves that turned askew on my bald head and morphed into pirate patches. Books and humorous cards buoyed my spirits.

4. New Friends

Nine years after my diagnosis, I finally met other ovarian cancer survivors at an ovarian cancer camp:  Camp-Make-A-Dream, in Missoula, Montana.

Eventually I connected with local survivors. We meet monthly for lunch and plan social outings and fundraisers for ovarian cancer. We are . . .

"The Fried Eggs — Sunny-Side Up."

5. Empathy

As a nurse, I felt sympathy for my cancer patients, but I never really understood the struggle of living in the world of cancer.

But now as a survivor, I experience this unspoken bond, a glance that says it all. I KNOW.

6. Gratitude

I am thankful for God’s faithfulness through the many trials in my life, including cancer. He has brought me out on the other side.

I am cancer-free.

7. New Direction and Purpose

I wrote the book, In Her Shoes: Dancing in the Shadow of Cancer, to help other women struggling with a cancer diagnosis. I included my ovarian cancer story and the stories of other women surviving cancer as well as helpful tips.

I also write encouraging articles for women undergoing chemotherapy.

Along with other survivors, I share my ovarian cancer story with medical students in the Survivors Teaching Students program, hoping that earlier detection will save women’s lives.

God gives many gifts, sometimes hidden, but always a blessing.

If you, imperfect as you are, know how to lovingly take care of your children and give them what’s best, how much more ready is your heavenly Father to give wonderful gifts to those who ask him? (Matthew 7:11 TPT)

What hidden gifts have you received from the Lord when you were going through a difficult season?

Joanie Shawhan is an ovarian cancer survivor, registered nurse, speaker, Selah Awards Finalist for In Her Shoes: Dancing in the Shadow of Cancer, and radio and television guest. Contact Joanie on her website for more information.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Harry Strauss (Image4U) at Pixabay.