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Entries in Pride (2)

Thursday

Nov102016

7 Steps to Resolve Conflict (Hint: It Takes Humility!)

Susan K. Stewart is a practical gal with a lot of wisdom. In this Relationships UPGRADE, she shares important, biblical steps to resolving relationship conflicts.

"'Not again. How many times can he preach on this subject? Who is it stirring up trouble now?' Those were my thoughts," Susan said, "when I read the sermon title: 'Resolution: The Matthew Solution.'"

Like Susan, I (Dawn) have been uncomfortable in church, wincing with the pinch of a convicting message and wishing the pastor would move on to a less painful topic. Or at least, preach it to someone else! It took me a long time to understand it was really the Spirit of God tugging at my own heart.

Susan continues . . .

A recent undercurrent of discontent infected our congregation. That is often a problem in groups of people We are, after all, sinful humans who happen to be saved by grace. Conflict among Christians should not be a surprise.

“How will he admonish us this week?”

I had developed a terrible attitude about the whole situation. I sat trying to be attentive for that grain of truth God had for me.

Somehow I missed it.

During the following week, God led me to the book of James. I focused on James 4:7-10.

My heart opened to what should have been a no brainer, clear steps to resolving conflict.

1. Submit to God

No matter the circumstances, submit to God. Ask for his wisdom to see the truth, not the colored viewpoint of humans.

Be willing to follow him, wherever it may lead.

2. Resist the devil

As we submit to God, we resist the devil. But the attacks will continue during the peacemaking process.

Satan wants to convince us that we aren’t at fault. He says following God’s way is troublesome, a lot of work, and a hindrance to the outcome we want. As humans, what we want is peace at all cost and to look like the peacemaker.

3. Draw near to God

The more we resist the devil, the closer we move to God. As we move closer thim, the better able we can resist the devil.

The closer we are to God, the more we will be able to remove our own desires and submit to God’s.

4. Cleanse your hands

Here’s where the rubber starts to screech along the road.

What? Me, the sinner? We’ve become ingrained with the truth in Matthew 18: go to the one who has sinned against you. Instead when there’s a clash, we should be looking at our own sin.

“First take the log out of your own eye” (Matthew 7:5 NASB). We need to face our own sin before we confront anyone else’s.

5. Purify your heart

Is the goal of conflict resolution to make everyone happy? Or is it reconciliation with God?

To approach a solution to the friction, our own hearts need to be clean. This is done by seeking to please God, not other people.

Not everyone will be happy, but God will be delighted.

6. Be miserable and mourn and weep

Sin is the root of the strife and we should be saddened and repentant.

As we submit to God’s authority and purify our hearts, we come to realize how destructive our own sin is in the conflict.

7. Humble yourself

Humility isn’t weakness; it is the opposite of pride.

How often is pride the sin at the heart of discord? Humility is the admission we can do nothing on our own.

When pride takes hold, we think we have the solution to any problem. But only God is the true peacemaker.

Don’t worry; you’ll have an opportunity to put these steps into practice.

The next time conflict resolution is the topic of a sermon, article or conversation, remember James’ steps to peacemaking.

Resolve the strife in yourself, and then you will be prepared to help others.

Is there a conflict in your life? How will you follow James’s steps to resolve it?

Susan K. Stewart—when she’s not tending chickens and peacocks—teaches, writes and edits non-fiction. Her passion is to inspire readers with practical, real-world solutions. Susan's books include Science in the Kitchen, Preschool: At What Cost? and the award-winning Formatting e-Books for Writers. Learn more about Susan at www.practicalinspirations.com

Let God 'Skim Off' Your Pride

Dawn Wilson

Pam Farrel’s books for women have both encouraged and challenged me. This Attitude UPGRADE is one example of how God spoke through Pam to confront my own pride.

“One of the ugliest sins I ever had to confront was my own pride,” Pam wrote in Woman of Influence.

When I (Dawn) first read that, I thought: There are a lot of sins that are uglier than pride. But then the Holy Spirit started chiseling away on my own heart, showing me my own nasty pride. Pam’s right. It’s UGLY!

She continues …

Everywhere I turned, God was pointing out pride. All the illustrations I heard in sermons, all the topics at a conference I attended, all the conversations with other women of influence centered around pride.

I caught myself wondering how I could be guilty of pride, since so often I battled a self-confidence problem. Then God pointed out:

Oversensitive low self-esteem is pride turned inside out!

When I battle low self-esteem, I am still focusing on me. I am concentrating on seeking approval and encouragement. My eyes are on my needs, when God wants my eyes on Him.

During that time, God brought to my mind all the ugly words I had never voiced but had thought.

Why is she so rich when I have just as much talent?
Why is she teaching when I know as much as she does?
Why is God blessing that ministry with huge numbers instead of ours?

In my complaints, I was telling God that His plan was wrong and mine was right.

Pride made me play God in my own life.

My heart was broken over my sin. I got away to a private place with God; I fell to my knees and wept. I listed every good thing, every compliment I could remember, and I thanked God for what He had accomplished through me, or rather in spite of me.

When goldsmiths create pure gold, they heat up the fire, and the dross and impurities come to the surface. The goldsmiths skim off the impurities until they can see their own reflection in the gold.

The author of Proverbs says, "The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but the Lord tests the heart" (Proverbs 17:3).

God’s grace brought my pride to the surface to be skimmed off. I wanted the impurities taken out of my life until people could see God in me.

Afterward, I wanted to keep my confession between God and myself, but God stoked up the fire again. I felt that He wanted me to openly confess my hidden sin of pride. I was afraid of the criticism my confession would bring on me. After all, I was a leader. I should have dealt with pride long ago.

God showed me when He wanted me to confess, and to whom.

I was discipling a small group of women leaders, and I shared my confession and restoration with them. Later, on a Sunday night, I stood up in front of our congregation during a share time and told the highlights of what I had learned from God.

I knew then I was free, because I didn’t care if they thought less of me; God had accepted me by His grace. My slate was clean.

I did hear some criticism through the grapevine, but mostly I felt personal relief for a burden laid down.

And there was another benefit: a new transparency developed in those who were following my leadership. Because I was honest enough to expose the ugliness of my sin, others felt free to ask for help with hidden areas they had battled for years.

Do you struggle with the ugliness of pride? Bring it to God and allow Him to skim it off and give you a pure, humble heart.

Pam Farrel with her husband Bill, are international speakers, and authors of over 40 books including best-selling Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti, Woman of Influence, 10 Best Decisions a Woman Can Make, 10 Secrets to Living Smart, Savvy and Strong, and her newest, Becoming a Brave New Woman. The Farrels, married 35 years, are relationship specialists who help people become “Love-Wise ."